I owe you all a couple of long posts, and certainly an explanation (not that there's much of one) for my long absence. But for right now, I just want to tell one quick story, without the pressure of having to write about all that has and has not been going on here. OK by you? Just for now?
Em's all-star soccer team was playing today; the team is actually not especially impressive, but Em's having a good time because she's on the team with one of her best friends, J. At today's game was J's aunt and her two cousins. N started playing with the older of the two boys, D, during half-time, and spend the entire second half of the game wandering around the woods behind the field, going off to the nearby playground, kicking a ball against the fence.
At one point, as they headed off to get some water at the water fountain, I saw D put his arm around N's waist, and my heart melted more than a little bit. (Psst. There's a little bit of a twist to this story, one that explains its title, and that last sentence? Was your foreshadowing/clue.)
As we left the park at the end of the game (they lost, 3-2, but that's two more goals than they've scored in almost every game they've played so far, so we were all in a good mood), N asked D if he wanted to play out in the street after they'd both had lunch. D's mom confirmed that they would be at J's house and would love to get together with N later on, and we parted company.
We were walking to the car when N, ebullient, said, "I have a new friend, Mommy. I'm good at making new friends, am I?"
I smiled at him and said, "Of course you are, sweetie."
But it was a bit of a sad smile. Because D? Celebrated his 3rd birthday just a few days ago. And N? Celebrated his 9th last week.
And if anything encapsulates the quirkiness that is my son, it's those two numbers--and N's complete lack of awareness of them.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Jewish penicillin
I'm still working on the second half of my books list (the one about the books I listened to this year...it's long, OK? And I have things to do! Sheesh! Leave me alone!) but had to throw in a pitch for my latest recipe on (Never) Too Many Cooks: Chicken soup with matzo balls.
There is nothing better. Period. Don't believe me? Try it yourself.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Books I Read in 2009
As I compile these long-assed lists every year, I say to myself, "Self, this sucks. Next year, let's do it differently." And so, as each year rolls into the next, I tell you guys about how I'm going to do it differently. Sometimes, I even follow through...for about thirty seconds. But mostly? Not at all. And then I wind up here, close to the end of the year, starting pretty much from scratch.
This year is the worst of all, in that sense. Because while I kept a list of what I read (and listened to) this year, I didn't put down even vague notes as I went. And my brain? She ain't what she used to be. (Which wasn't much. Trust me.) So these notes are a bit, um, sparse. Or, in some places, essentially nonexistent.
I'm starting with the books I read this year. There aren't very many, and that makes me wonder what the heck I was doing all year long. I mean, I could have sworn I read more than this, and yet...not according to my list. It wouldn't bother me at all if it didn't meant that my 12-year-old daughter beat me--and by quite a bit--in the book-reading game.
But when it comes to book-listening-to, well...I'm a master! (For those, however, you'll have to wait until tomorrow, or maybe even New Year's Day.)
Here's what I managed to physically page-turn this year:
1. Word Freak by Stefan Fatsis: So much fun! Plus, the list of q-without-u words turned my Facebook Lexulous game totally around! Win-win.
2. Princess Bride by William Goldman: As I noted in my last post, Em and I read this one together, and it was awesome. Possibly even more fun than the movie. And that's saying a whole heckuva lot.
3. Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet: Fascinating memoir of a man with both Asperger's and savant syndromes. What Tammet goes through in his life is simultaneously jaw-droppingly unique and eminently relatable.
4. Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier: Taking a well-known painting and turning its creation into a full-fledged novel is a brilliant idea. I enjoyed this book's execution, though I wouldn't quite call it a brilliant novel. Still, it was fun, and it was well worth my time.
5. Persuasion by Jane Austen: No year is complete with at least one Austen read (or, rather, re-read).
6. Blankets by Craig Thompson: What I'd read about this well-done graphic novel/memoir before picking it up led me to believe it was one of those abusive-childhood stories, and yes, there were elements of that. But mostly, it was a compelling story of a young, first love.
7. I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb: I would say that Lamb put everything but the kitchen sink in this book, but I'm pretty sure that the sink was in here, too, somewhere. I finished it because I don't like to give books up in the middle. But, really? Bleh.
8. Anyone but You by Jennifer Crusie: See below.
9. Manhunting by Jennifer Crusie: So I got these two through my library's ebook program. I wanted to see how it works, and I wanted something light and quick to read. And Crusie? Always makes me smile. These two were no exception. Fun. Fun. Fun!
10. Schuyler's Monster by Robert Rummel-Hudson: I've read Rob's blog (or blogs, since he's moved around once or twice) on and off for years, since before Schuyler's diagnosis. I remember emailing him a number of years ago to tell him I thought he had the voice--and the story--with which to write a book. I'm beyond certain that I wasn't the only one...that I was one of dozens, probably scores. I'm not even vaguely suggesting that I had anything to do with this book; what I'm saying is that I'd looked forward to it for a very long time. It was worth the wait--different from what I'd expected, and yet absorbing.
11. A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks: Another one I already wrote about in my last entry. There's not much more to say.
12. The Girl Who Stopped Swimming by Joshilyn Jackson: I say the same thing every time I read one of Joshilyn's books. I shouldn't love this book--it's not my thing, not my genre--but I do. I love every single one of them. And I can't wait for the next one to come out.
13. This Lovely Life by Vicki Forman: Vicki's become a friend of mine, but that has absolutely no bearing on how incredible this book was. I wrote about it (though mostly in passing, and not with the careful thought it really deserves) in a post I wrote back in July. What I said then--that it's heartwrenching and beautiful, that it requires quiet digestion and time for tears to dry--only begins to express how profoundly Vicki's words and story touched me. If you add one book to your reading list from my reading list this year? This is the one I want you to add.
14. Mother on Fire by Sandra Tsing Loh: Part of my job involves working with Sandra, and she cracks me up. The book overall made me laugh. But the "inside LA" jokes? Made me laugh a lot.
15. Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster: My friend told me I would love this book. I probably should have loved this book. I didn't love this book. At all.
16. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver: I want to do this! I want to spend an entire year living off the land, growing and cooking local or homegrown foods. It sounds so absolutely idyllic. But I do have to say that, while I loved this book, it's almost impossible to write about these sorts of ideas and projects without--at least in some places--coming off as condescending, supercilious, and...annoying. Kingsolver's no exception. I just ignored it when it happened, is all.
17. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: I read this for my temple's book club, though I didn't make it to the meeting, so I never got to talk through it. I thought it was really clever, and well-written, and all that good stuff. But I also thought it was unnecessarily elliptical in places (he rarely said anything straight out when he could instead vaguely imply it and leave you wondering), and perhaps more than a little bit too carefully foreshadowed. It made it feel a little bit fake, a little bit...plastic-y...in places. I also wonder whether the bulk of the kids (officially, "young adults," whatever that means) to whom this is marketed actually really get it. I'd have been interested to hear what the rest of the book club had to say, though since they're all my age or older (mostly older), that last point probably wouldn't have been addressed.
18. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith: I fully expected the conceit behind this book to get old quick. But it really didn't. It was fun. Really. Just plain fun.
19. Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher: This, on the other hand, was not fun. But it was good. I read it mostly because Em had read it, and I wanted to know what she'd been exposed to. (Turns out? A lot.) Like The Book Thief, there were times when the whole tape thing felt overly contrived. And it certainly wasn't uplifting or hopeful, even if there were bright spots in the book. But I thought it was good, impressive, something meaty for teens to consider. And, hey. No vampires! That's definitely a point in its favor, at least in my book.
Next up: Books I Heard in 2009. But for now, since it's 1:39 am and I'm exHAUSted, I'm heading to bed. Without doing any reading, most likely. Darnit. Em's going to beat me again in 2010, isn't she. SIGH.
This year is the worst of all, in that sense. Because while I kept a list of what I read (and listened to) this year, I didn't put down even vague notes as I went. And my brain? She ain't what she used to be. (Which wasn't much. Trust me.) So these notes are a bit, um, sparse. Or, in some places, essentially nonexistent.
I'm starting with the books I read this year. There aren't very many, and that makes me wonder what the heck I was doing all year long. I mean, I could have sworn I read more than this, and yet...not according to my list. It wouldn't bother me at all if it didn't meant that my 12-year-old daughter beat me--and by quite a bit--in the book-reading game.
But when it comes to book-listening-to, well...I'm a master! (For those, however, you'll have to wait until tomorrow, or maybe even New Year's Day.)
Here's what I managed to physically page-turn this year:
1. Word Freak by Stefan Fatsis: So much fun! Plus, the list of q-without-u words turned my Facebook Lexulous game totally around! Win-win.
2. Princess Bride by William Goldman: As I noted in my last post, Em and I read this one together, and it was awesome. Possibly even more fun than the movie. And that's saying a whole heckuva lot.
3. Born on a Blue Day by Daniel Tammet: Fascinating memoir of a man with both Asperger's and savant syndromes. What Tammet goes through in his life is simultaneously jaw-droppingly unique and eminently relatable.
4. Girl with a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier: Taking a well-known painting and turning its creation into a full-fledged novel is a brilliant idea. I enjoyed this book's execution, though I wouldn't quite call it a brilliant novel. Still, it was fun, and it was well worth my time.
5. Persuasion by Jane Austen: No year is complete with at least one Austen read (or, rather, re-read).
6. Blankets by Craig Thompson: What I'd read about this well-done graphic novel/memoir before picking it up led me to believe it was one of those abusive-childhood stories, and yes, there were elements of that. But mostly, it was a compelling story of a young, first love.
7. I Know This Much is True by Wally Lamb: I would say that Lamb put everything but the kitchen sink in this book, but I'm pretty sure that the sink was in here, too, somewhere. I finished it because I don't like to give books up in the middle. But, really? Bleh.
8. Anyone but You by Jennifer Crusie: See below.
9. Manhunting by Jennifer Crusie: So I got these two through my library's ebook program. I wanted to see how it works, and I wanted something light and quick to read. And Crusie? Always makes me smile. These two were no exception. Fun. Fun. Fun!
10. Schuyler's Monster by Robert Rummel-Hudson: I've read Rob's blog (or blogs, since he's moved around once or twice) on and off for years, since before Schuyler's diagnosis. I remember emailing him a number of years ago to tell him I thought he had the voice--and the story--with which to write a book. I'm beyond certain that I wasn't the only one...that I was one of dozens, probably scores. I'm not even vaguely suggesting that I had anything to do with this book; what I'm saying is that I'd looked forward to it for a very long time. It was worth the wait--different from what I'd expected, and yet absorbing.
11. A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks: Another one I already wrote about in my last entry. There's not much more to say.
12. The Girl Who Stopped Swimming by Joshilyn Jackson: I say the same thing every time I read one of Joshilyn's books. I shouldn't love this book--it's not my thing, not my genre--but I do. I love every single one of them. And I can't wait for the next one to come out.
13. This Lovely Life by Vicki Forman: Vicki's become a friend of mine, but that has absolutely no bearing on how incredible this book was. I wrote about it (though mostly in passing, and not with the careful thought it really deserves) in a post I wrote back in July. What I said then--that it's heartwrenching and beautiful, that it requires quiet digestion and time for tears to dry--only begins to express how profoundly Vicki's words and story touched me. If you add one book to your reading list from my reading list this year? This is the one I want you to add.14. Mother on Fire by Sandra Tsing Loh: Part of my job involves working with Sandra, and she cracks me up. The book overall made me laugh. But the "inside LA" jokes? Made me laugh a lot.
15. Bitter is the New Black by Jen Lancaster: My friend told me I would love this book. I probably should have loved this book. I didn't love this book. At all.
16. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver: I want to do this! I want to spend an entire year living off the land, growing and cooking local or homegrown foods. It sounds so absolutely idyllic. But I do have to say that, while I loved this book, it's almost impossible to write about these sorts of ideas and projects without--at least in some places--coming off as condescending, supercilious, and...annoying. Kingsolver's no exception. I just ignored it when it happened, is all.
17. The Book Thief by Markus Zusak: I read this for my temple's book club, though I didn't make it to the meeting, so I never got to talk through it. I thought it was really clever, and well-written, and all that good stuff. But I also thought it was unnecessarily elliptical in places (he rarely said anything straight out when he could instead vaguely imply it and leave you wondering), and perhaps more than a little bit too carefully foreshadowed. It made it feel a little bit fake, a little bit...plastic-y...in places. I also wonder whether the bulk of the kids (officially, "young adults," whatever that means) to whom this is marketed actually really get it. I'd have been interested to hear what the rest of the book club had to say, though since they're all my age or older (mostly older), that last point probably wouldn't have been addressed.
18. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith: I fully expected the conceit behind this book to get old quick. But it really didn't. It was fun. Really. Just plain fun.
19. Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher: This, on the other hand, was not fun. But it was good. I read it mostly because Em had read it, and I wanted to know what she'd been exposed to. (Turns out? A lot.) Like The Book Thief, there were times when the whole tape thing felt overly contrived. And it certainly wasn't uplifting or hopeful, even if there were bright spots in the book. But I thought it was good, impressive, something meaty for teens to consider. And, hey. No vampires! That's definitely a point in its favor, at least in my book.
Next up: Books I Heard in 2009. But for now, since it's 1:39 am and I'm exHAUSted, I'm heading to bed. Without doing any reading, most likely. Darnit. Em's going to beat me again in 2010, isn't she. SIGH.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Em's Reading List, 2009
This will be a week for lists. My reading (and listening) lists are up next...but, first, by popular demand, the 30 books Em finished this year:
1. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares
2. My Most Excellent Year by Steve Kluger (this is Em and N's beloved Uncle S--and this book, if you haven't read it, is achingly sweet, and features a young character who is more than a little bit modeled after N)
3. The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 1)
4. The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 2)
5. The Titan's Curse by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 3)
6. The Princess Bride by William Goldman (Em and I read this one together...and loved every single minute of it)
7. Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney (Em put a note after this one, in parentheses: "one night!!!")
8. The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 4)
9. Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2: Roderick Rules by Jeff Kinney
10. Diary of a Wimpy Kid 3: The Last Straw by Jeff Kinney
11. The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 5)
12. A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks (Em so loved this book that she insisted I read it, too; if you know me, you know that Nicholas Sparks isn't likely to be my cup of tea, but I love talking about books with my kid, so I enjoyed it for that reason, at least, if for no other. And trust me. There was no other.)
13. Goy Crazy by Melissa Schorr
14. Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment by James Patterson
15. Maximum Ride 2: School's Out -- Forever by James Patterson
16. Click Here by Denise Vega
17. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
18. Maximum Ride 3: Saving the World by James Patterson
19. All-American Girl by Meg Cabot
20. Gender Blender by Blake Nelson
21. Maximum Ride 4: The Final Warning by James Patterson
22. Uglies by Scott Westerfeld
23. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton (Em read this for her 7th grade Advanced English class and loved it; I was impressed by the choice of book)
24. Pretties by Scott Westerfeld
25. Cirque du Freak: A Living Nightmare by Darren Shan
26. Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher (I'd heard enough about this book to know that I wanted to read it after Em had; I knew it was a pretty heavy book, and while I'm comfortable with my "no legitimate books are off limits" stance when it comes to Em, I do think a 12-year-old might need to talk about what shes read in a book about suicide that features a whole bunch of other types of ugliness as well. I'm glad I read it; it was quite good, if somewhat contrived, and it had a lot to say. It terrified me...probably a whole lot more than it terrified her. But yes, we talked anyway.)
27. Peace, Love, and Baby Ducks by Lauren Myracle
28. Cirque du Freak 2: The Vampire's Assistant by Darren Shan
29. Cirque du Freak 3: Tunnels of Blood by Darren Shan
30. Max by James Patterson
By the way, and I know this isn't the time or place for it, but I just have to say, for the record: I find it seriously disappointing how many of the books out there these days are parts of series. Why can't anyone tell an entire story in a single, sweeping novel anymore? I especially dislike the books that pretty much require you to have read the previous books to properly understand what you're reading in one of the later books. (Hello, Ms. Rowling...) I mean...a chunk of plot that takes up where the last chunk left off, and then leaves you at the end with a cliffhanger, wondering what will come next? Didn't we used to call those chapters???
I also think that when you need your protagonist to appear in every subsequent book you write, you seriously limit your ability to be true to your story. That's part of what turned me off to those Janet Evanovitch Stephanie Plum books; you knew Stephanie wasn't going anywhere, and it made the supposed suspense feel really dishonest to me.
Getting off my soapbox now...
Next up: The books I've read this year, followed by the audiobooks I've listened to. Stay tuned! (Or sigh heavily at the thought of more freaking book talk. I won't be insulted. It's not everyone's passion.)
1. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares
2. My Most Excellent Year by Steve Kluger (this is Em and N's beloved Uncle S--and this book, if you haven't read it, is achingly sweet, and features a young character who is more than a little bit modeled after N)
3. The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 1)
4. The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 2)
5. The Titan's Curse by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 3)
6. The Princess Bride by William Goldman (Em and I read this one together...and loved every single minute of it)
7. Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney (Em put a note after this one, in parentheses: "one night!!!")
8. The Battle of the Labyrinth by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 4)
9. Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2: Roderick Rules by Jeff Kinney
10. Diary of a Wimpy Kid 3: The Last Straw by Jeff Kinney
11. The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 5)
12. A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks (Em so loved this book that she insisted I read it, too; if you know me, you know that Nicholas Sparks isn't likely to be my cup of tea, but I love talking about books with my kid, so I enjoyed it for that reason, at least, if for no other. And trust me. There was no other.)
13. Goy Crazy by Melissa Schorr
14. Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment by James Patterson
15. Maximum Ride 2: School's Out -- Forever by James Patterson
16. Click Here by Denise Vega
17. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling
18. Maximum Ride 3: Saving the World by James Patterson
19. All-American Girl by Meg Cabot
20. Gender Blender by Blake Nelson
21. Maximum Ride 4: The Final Warning by James Patterson
22. Uglies by Scott Westerfeld
23. The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton (Em read this for her 7th grade Advanced English class and loved it; I was impressed by the choice of book)
24. Pretties by Scott Westerfeld
25. Cirque du Freak: A Living Nightmare by Darren Shan
26. Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher (I'd heard enough about this book to know that I wanted to read it after Em had; I knew it was a pretty heavy book, and while I'm comfortable with my "no legitimate books are off limits" stance when it comes to Em, I do think a 12-year-old might need to talk about what shes read in a book about suicide that features a whole bunch of other types of ugliness as well. I'm glad I read it; it was quite good, if somewhat contrived, and it had a lot to say. It terrified me...probably a whole lot more than it terrified her. But yes, we talked anyway.)
27. Peace, Love, and Baby Ducks by Lauren Myracle
28. Cirque du Freak 2: The Vampire's Assistant by Darren Shan
29. Cirque du Freak 3: Tunnels of Blood by Darren Shan
30. Max by James Patterson
By the way, and I know this isn't the time or place for it, but I just have to say, for the record: I find it seriously disappointing how many of the books out there these days are parts of series. Why can't anyone tell an entire story in a single, sweeping novel anymore? I especially dislike the books that pretty much require you to have read the previous books to properly understand what you're reading in one of the later books. (Hello, Ms. Rowling...) I mean...a chunk of plot that takes up where the last chunk left off, and then leaves you at the end with a cliffhanger, wondering what will come next? Didn't we used to call those chapters???
I also think that when you need your protagonist to appear in every subsequent book you write, you seriously limit your ability to be true to your story. That's part of what turned me off to those Janet Evanovitch Stephanie Plum books; you knew Stephanie wasn't going anywhere, and it made the supposed suspense feel really dishonest to me.
Getting off my soapbox now...
Next up: The books I've read this year, followed by the audiobooks I've listened to. Stay tuned! (Or sigh heavily at the thought of more freaking book talk. I won't be insulted. It's not everyone's passion.)
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
I WAS WRONG
[Trumpet sounds]
Hear ye, hear ye! I formally announce my clear and absolute wrongheadedness, grant my daughter a one-time revokable right to read my blog (well, this entry, anyway...no wandering, Em!), and promise never to underestimate her again:
Em rocks and I WAS WRONG...and I'm not afraid to admit it.
The backstory: Around Thanksgiving time, Em looked at the list of 25 books she'd read this year, and announced she was going to get to 30 by year's end. I suggested that five books in a month was overreaching. She suggested that I would end up eating my words...and that if that happened, I should do it publicly. Last night, with more than a week to spare, she finished Robert Patterson's "Max," which was the fifth book since I mouthed off. My words, they are eaten. In public. And I couldn't be more pleased.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Never Underestimate the Power of an Ice-Cream Cake
N's been having a terrible school year. Terrible. In pretty much every way you can think of to parse it. Social. Emotional. Academic. Especially academic.
His first of three report cards came home last week, and it was...yes...terrible. On a scale of 1 to 4 (1 = below grade level; 2 = approaching grade level; 3 = at grad level; 4 = above grade level), he got nothing but 1s and 2s. The teacher dutifully checked off the "at risk of retention" box where indicated. (Uh, thanks a lot, school. I wasn't actually planning to have that conversation with him quite yet. Was it really necessary to put it on a document you know the kids themselves look at, considering I've signed 763 pieces of paper indicating I've been informed about his 'risk'?) And the teacher's comments--while perfect in terms of what we need to prove need in an IEP--were not exactly what I would call encouraging.
It really has been a terrible year.
And so, on Tuesday, when we were walking toward school and N said to me, "What would happen if I got a 4 on my science test today, Mommy?" I laughed, not thinking, and said, "Oh, sweetie. I would throw you a party, is what I would do. With cake. A family party, with mint-chocolate-chip ice-cream cake."
I quickly realized that I was setting him up for a disappointment. For one thing, not only has he not gotten a single science grade above a 1 so far, but this was a test on a chapter about light in which (and before I go any further, let me say this: their current science curriculum is the worst science curriculum ever, regularly using terminology--often undefined--so far over even MY head that it's laughable) there was discussion of transverse versus compact waves. This what THIRD GRADERS are being asked to learn and digest.
So I changed tactics and told him that I'd be thrilled with whatever grade he brought home, so long as he tried his best. Because really, what do numbers mean, anyway? Some people just don't do well on tests, even if they know the material, you know what I mean? And he had studied so hard for this with Daddy; even if he didn't get a great grade, we knew he knew the material. So no need to worry about it, kiddo.
"Yeah, but if I get a 4, you'll throw me a party, right?"
Sigh. I'm an idiot.
"Right."
And so, of course, he called me at work this afternoon, the results of the quiz in hand.
"Mama! Guess what?"
Not just a 4, mind you. One hundred freakin' percent.
This is going to be the sweetest ice-cream cake EVER.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Officially an Adult
I always wondered when I would become an adult. Most kids do, I think. I'm not sure what exactly we think "becoming an adult" means, but we know it's bound to happen some time.
At first, I assumed that it would happen on a birthday. I'd wake up, 18 years old, and be an adult. When that didn't happen, I nudged it up to 21. No dice there, either.
So I pinned my hopes--so many hopes--on motherhood. And while the birth of my children changed me in ways I can't begin to enumerate, it only served--then as now--to make me feel even less capable, less grown up. I may act the part, but inside? I knew it was a sham.
And so I gave it up, that hope of adulthood.
Today, my mother called to ask me a cooking question. My mother. Called me. Asked ME.
Today, just shy of my 46th birthday, I am an adult.
It's everything I dreamed it would be.
At first, I assumed that it would happen on a birthday. I'd wake up, 18 years old, and be an adult. When that didn't happen, I nudged it up to 21. No dice there, either.
So I pinned my hopes--so many hopes--on motherhood. And while the birth of my children changed me in ways I can't begin to enumerate, it only served--then as now--to make me feel even less capable, less grown up. I may act the part, but inside? I knew it was a sham.
And so I gave it up, that hope of adulthood.
Today, my mother called to ask me a cooking question. My mother. Called me. Asked ME.
Today, just shy of my 46th birthday, I am an adult.
It's everything I dreamed it would be.
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