The Anatomy of Stupidity

My weekends have become these insanely complicated machines. No...contraptions. Wacky contraptions, with too many moving parts and a jerry-rigged, overused, unreliable engine.

That engine? My brain.

Let me set the scene. It's Sunday. I've already navigated my crazy morning: the end-of-year presentation at Hebrew school, which required me to present on N's behalf after helping Em finish up and print out her "slides" the night before; the potluck following, for which I almost forgot to make egg salad, and so was up until close to 1 am peeling and mashing and mixing; the hand-off of Em to Baroy so she could make it to her afternoon soccer game while still getting something in her stomach. In a few hours I have a Pampered Chef show to go to, and I'm hoping my friend C will come with me; she's offered to let N and I hang at her house with her and her younger daughter for the couple of hours between events while her older daughter goes home with another friend; she says her husband will watch the kids while we go to the show.

And...action.

Oh, shoot. Not going home means I didn't get a chance to pick up my checkbook. How am I going to buy anything at this show?

Carol? Do you know if she'll take credit cards at this thing?

Hmm. Maybe I should get some cash, just in case.

Nah, I don't want to go by the bank; I don't know where a MyBank branch is, and the others charge so much money. How about a grocery store? I have stuff to pick up, and I can get cash there.

Perfect. There's a Ralph's right across the street. While you get OlderDaughter from Friend'sHouse, I'll run in and get some cash.

[I pick up my iPhone, turn it on.] Oh, shoot. My iPhone's really low on batteries. OK if I plug it in in your car? Thanks.

[We pull up in front of Ralph's; C suggests I leave the phone in her car so it will keep charging, since it's pretty much useless at this point. I go into the store.]

OK. I should pick up a couple of items before I get my cash. But what do I need? ... Oh, shit! My grocery list app is on my iPhone...and that's in C's car. ... Think. Think. Oh, right. Laundry detergent. I definitely need laundry detergent. But what else? I know there are at least three other items, but...I just can't remember. Damn, my brain is fried these days. How can I not remember anything that's on my shopping list? Must be stress.

[Next, I agonize over my laundry detergent purchase.]

I really want to go more 'natural,' but All Free and Clear is what I've been using since N was really young, and he tends to break when I use a new soap, and I'd hate to cause an issue. And which size bottle should I get? Isn't it cheaper at the Vons near my house? Maybe I'll just get the small All to tide me over until I can decide what to do about changing or not.

[I finally make a decision. Wondering whether C is already waiting--it's taken me a while to consider all the options, after all--I quickly pay and rush outside, just as she's pulling up. Perfect. I settle into the car and we take off. After saying hi to OlderDaughter, I immediately begin to babble.]

It was so funny, C. I left my iPhone in your car, and I couldn't figure out what was on my shopping list without it. My brain! Here I was, at the grocery story to pick up some things...and I couldn't figure out what I needed to get! Isn't that crazy?

What do you mean, that's not why I was there? I...

Oh, no. Oh my god.

Thank god the Pampered Chef lady took credit cards.

And that's all I have to say about that. Because that's all I can remember.

Fin.