24 Hours' Worth of Letters, Essentially Verbatim

Dear Client I Really Enjoy Writing For:

I am not sending you my September invoice right now, because I have not yet submitted the work you'd asked me for. I have, however, written it--and will be happy to send it to you as soon as I receive the checks for my July and/or August invoices.

Sincerely,
Temporarily Confused

*******

Dear Editor of Freelance Gig for Which I've Been Auditioning Without Pay:

Let me first thank you for all your prompt responses to my questions over this past not-quite-a-week; you've been most helpful. Nonetheless, I think that I need to withdraw my name from consideration for Freelance Gig. This is, I believe, mostly my issue, and it's one of not realizing that the whole 'this is something you can easily do in your own time, in concert with a full-time job even' vibe does not really apply to this audition period.

Simply put, I can't do this job well, and if I can't do it well, I might as well not do it at all. I don't think it will do any of us any good if a writer-to-be spontaneously combusts in the middle of the night. And I KNOW it won't do me any good to lose my almost-full-time job with its almost-full-time paycheck in the pursuit of a very interesting, but ultimately not-at-all-full-time gig with you guys. Not to mention having to juggle kids and volunteer activities and other freelance work...I should have known better. I apologize.

I wish you good luck in finding the right person for the job.

Thanks again,
Temporarily Confused

*******

Dear Elementary School To Which I Send My Kids:

I am requesting a full assessment of my child, N Confused, in all areas of his suspected disabilities for the purposes of determining whether or not my child qualifies for special education services. I understand that i am to be given an assessment plan authorizing this assessment within 15 days of your receipt of this request.

I am also requesting that an IEP meeting be set within the time required by law so that we may discuss the results of the assessment and the type of educational program my child requires.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Temporarily Confused

[For what it's worth, this last letter? Copied almost word-for-word from the handout The World's Greatest Pediatrician gave me just for this purpose after hearing me kvetch about how hard it is to know what to say to get the job done. I love her.]