Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Confessions

  1. I really, seriously, and with absolutely no reservations can state that I could not care less about Michael Jackson. He wasn't an important part of my life, ever. He meant very little to me. I really don't care that much about the deaths of Farrah Fawcett or Billy May (for crying out loud...really?...I should care WHY?) or any of the other celebrities who in no significant way had any real impact on my life. When I hear about certain deaths, I stop for a moment and think, "Oh, that's a loss." And then I move on. With Michael Jackson? Not really sure it's even a loss. It's not that I wished him dead or anything. I just...don't care. Of course, what I think doesn't matter in any real sense. He meant nothing to me, and I meant less than that to him. I moved on long ago.
  2. Part of the reason for the above is that music has never been important in my life. I know that's alien to many people, but there it is. My life has always been about words. Not music. Not pictures, either--be they on a screen, or in a frame. (If you know me in real life, I've probably told you about how my dreams are rarely visual, how they're almost exclusively spoken/'felt' narratives, sometimes complete with 'he said's and 'she said's. I'm sure there's a neurological explanation for this, but there it is.) Thus, while there are a couple of musicians whose deaths I can see making me hesitate for a few moments--Bruce, for sure; James Taylor; Billy Joel, maybe--none are likely to bring me to tears. But when a writer I love passes? That hurts.
  3. I'm missing Em something fierce this summer. More than usual. Undoubtedly, this is because she's 'there' already...or getting 'there'...with 'there' being the place in pre-adolescence when you start to separate. She calls less frequently, and when she does, she's not excited to talk to me, not bursting with stories, not feeling like she needs me to know everything that happens to her. Normal. Good, probably. Painful as hell.
  4. I am well aware of the ways in which I need to be helping N start this own separation process, even at 8 years of age. But there are times when I actively avoid pushing him toward independence, because he's my baby, and I need a baby right now.
  5. I ought to be working. But instead, I'm confessing. Deadlines and me? Not even really on speaking terms lately.
  6. Dang, I'm hungry. Time for lunch. Then off to the bookstore, where hopefully there will be no CNN coverage to roll my eyes at.

6 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I hear you -- at least about the MJ stuff. I posted my own diatribe about the ridiculous memorial. I'm new to your blog and looking forward to reading more...

TC said...

Welcome Elizabeth! Off to see what you had to say...

Kirsten said...

I'm with you on the MJ stuff - and the other celebs. Not that there are none whose death would move me, but these ones didn't really.

Jordan said...

Yup, me too. Whatever! ;-)

But, oh, your description of the separation process? Now that's painful. Not looking forward to it, but reading about it does help to prepare me the tiniest bit for the fact that it's going to happen...

Meg said...

I was not a huge MJ fan and the coverage has been a bit much, but it has reminded me of his musical genius - whether you liked his music or not he certainly was the best at the type of music he did. As for the rest, well not really time to speak ill of the recently passed on. The level of attention is ridiculous, however, and will now likely become much more mean-spirited.

My youngest is the same age as Em so I know what you mean. It is great, yet so very tough, to watch them grow up and away. It is what is supposed to happen, but I find myself looking at young families and wishing myself back to those days (esp when the teens are being particularly teenagerly!)

AB said...

If anyone understands your not being into music, 'tis I. Can't remember how old you were when I use to take you to chamber music and the Philharmonic. You did take a book with you to read but I am sure some notes got through. Guess I didn't do the best job.

MJ and that era is not my style. Chamber music, opera, ballet, etc., is for me. My sister loves DooWop. We all like something different in life.