Friday, June 6, 2008

In Which My Mother Cracks Me Up

"Em called me the other day," my mother says, after we've finished talking about airplane tickets and arrival dates.

"Oh?" I reply.

"Yeah. She told me about how she was taking a sweater off one of her American Girl dolls, and his head popped off, and she wanted to know if I thought I could fix it. I told her that there was no way I could fix it, but that we'd take it to the doll hospital at the American Girl store this summer and get it fixed. She was so relieved." Pause. "I told my friends that I was sure she'd come to you first, and you'd said, 'No way am I spending money on fixing that doll. Call your grandmother.'"

Well, duh. Of course I did. And Grandma responded exactly as I knew she would. Score!

Look. The American Girl doll thing is sweet, really it is. I love that my in-the-midst-of-puberty daughter hasn't yet thrown over dolls and such for more 'adult' pursuits. The longer she plays, the happier I'll be.

But she has eight (or is it nine? or ten?) of them now. And she's already planned out the next two or three she's going to wheedle and cajole out of her grandmother/grandfather/uncles/any stranger willing to buy her a doll. That's well over a thousand dollars' worth of DOLLS. Not to mention clothes that cost way more than I pay for my own kids' clothes (there are, apparently, no Goodwills for American Girl dolls...who knew?) and accessories that are swanker than anything I've ever owned. And then there are the many other ways you can spend money on these little plastic heathens...like the haircuts they get each year the American Girl store. (Haircuts for dolls. Whose hair--I should NOT have to tell you--DOES NOT GROW.)

For me--a woman who defines all of those Jewish stereotypes--that is simply mind-boggling. It's obscene, is what it is.

But it makes my kid happy.

So, rather than laugh in her face--$50 to put a doll's head back on? Are you NUTS?--I cluck sympathetically and say things like, "Gee, I wonder if they can do something about that at the American Girl Doll Store IN NEW YORK which you will no doubt visit WHEN YOU SEE GRANDMA." And then I let the chips fall where they may.

I may be utterly and completely and pathetically predictable...but so is my mother.

4 comments:

MOM said...

I certainly am! :-) BUT please remember these conversations when you are blessed to be a grandma!

AND just to set the record straight, we do hairstyles....not haircuts when we go to the salon. You've seen the pictures of her face while this is being done.....isn't it worth it? LOL

HUGS

po said...

Aw c'mon, this is a total win-win-win situation! :D

Lynnie said...

Oh my God, do I have these older dolls to look forward to, too?? My mother-in-law bought my two year old daughter a Bitty Baby at a point when we'd already received 40 dolls (I counted). The package deal cost $100 and then my daughter promptly "fed" it blueberries (I'm sure I don't have to tell you they don't actually eat either!) and ruined her whole face and cloth body. ERg.

Green said...

When I was a little girl (littler than Em) I got a couple of dolls from a collection. Each doll is from a different country. On the back of the box each doll comes in, are pictures of nine other dolls, so you know which countries you're missing. For years my mother had me collecting these dolls. I have no clue how much they cost. But I do know they were "for looking at, not for playing with" and they sat on the hutch on my bookcase.

Until one day when I was eight or nine and swept them all into a garbage bag and gave them to my dad to put up in the attic.

I never saw them again. I moved out years later, my parents had a garage sale, and without asking me if i wanted them, they sold them away. Fuckers.